


even if we have to go around a long way

by daephylleia



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, uhh it's inspired by try again and thts all u need to know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 04:29:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16110824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daephylleia/pseuds/daephylleia
Summary: "Of all people that had to show up on Ten’s doorstep this late at night, the last person he expected was Jung Jaehyun."





	even if we have to go around a long way

               Of all people that had to show up on Ten’s doorstep this late at night, the last person he expected was Jung Jaehyun.

               “Hi,” the man in question mumbles, his eyes looking anywhere but Ten’s. It’s pouring outside and Ten can hardly hear him over the sound of the beating rain. He eyes Jaehyun’s soaked windbreaker that seems to have not done its job very well if the man’s also soaked clothes are anything to go by.

               Ten has the thought to shut the door immediately. It runs through his mind quickly and his fingers clench the doorframe just slightly, itching to listen to his mind. His heart bangs wildly in his chest, yelling at his brain to just shut up and ignore the logical way. His fingers twitch. He pulls the door wider. Lets Jaehyun in. Closes the door and his eyes for a brief moment and steels his face, letting him show no emotion before he turns around to look at his ex.

               “Why are you here?” Ten asks with no hint of emotion, something he’s surprised he managed. He doesn’t look at Jaehyun standing before him. Doesn’t want to. Doesn’t think he can handle it.

               Jaehyun laughs, a breathless little thing and Ten doesn’t know what’s funny.

               “Would you believe me if I said I was actually close by and it started raining?” No. Ten wouldn’t believe him and he knows that. Again, Jaehyun chuckles and Ten sort of wants to kick him out. At the same time… Ten wants to hear the chuckle again. Just one more time.

               “No,” he replies a bit harshly, “I wouldn’t.” Ten would be lying to himself if it didn’t pain him in the slightest to see Jaehyun’s face fall at his response.

               “Well can I be honest then?” Jaehyun timidly questions, his eyes are wide, the fear of rejection apparent. Ten looks away, looks anywhere and everywhere. Nods. “I,” Jaehyun sucks in a sharp breath, “I wanted to talk to you.”

               “You’re talking now.”

               “Ten, don’t be like that, you know what I mean,” Jaehyun returns, stepping forward a bit. He’s in Ten’s space, towering over him. Ten steps back and shuts off his mind. Doesn’t let himself think.

               “And you had to come in the pouring rain to achieve that?” Ten asks finally looking back up at him. He takes in Jaehyun’s appearance again. A simple white shirt and black jeans, converse, and his favorite jacket. It’s Ten’s favorite outfit on him. _Used to be._

               Jaehyun laughs again, this time it’s like his old laugh. His, ‘before’ laugh. Ten’s heart threatens to jump out of his throat. Threatens to completely overturn his mind and say things he shouldn’t just to hear that laugh again. “Well, I hadn’t anticipated the rain. That much is true. The bus station is a little far from your apartment.”

               Ten lets out a little sigh, he doesn’t have it in him to kick Jaehyun out right now. His heart would fight him if he did. He gestures to Jaehyun, “Go put your wet clothes in the dryer and you can use some of your old ones while they dry.”

               The other man nods, gives a curt bow and heads in the direction of Ten’s room. He knows where everything is. They shared this apartment before.

               Ten goes to the kitchen and pours some water in his teapot, setting it on the stove to begin boiling. He stares out the sliding glass doors adjacent to the kitchen, hands clenching the countertops so hard his knuckles are white. He notices the rain has stopped. He thinks it’s silly how it chose to rain just as Jaehyun made his way over. Almost like it was waiting to open up on him. 

               _Why did Jaehyun have to show up tonight? What could they possibly talk about? They were over, finished, broken up. Jaehyun had made that absolutely clear._

               The pot reaches the right heat just at the same time Jaehyun walks out of the hallway in some of his old clothes that he left behind. Ten definitely didn’t keep them because they still smell like him or anything. That would be pathetic.

               Of course, Jaehyun looks as handsome as ever in just sweats, dimples prominent and glasses reflecting the city lights from outside. Ten’s heart pounds away, deafening his ears to the whistling of the teapot.

               “Ten, the tea is ready,” Jaehyun voices, speeding up his walk over to move the pot off the stove. Ten doesn’t even have time to react. He’s been caught staring again. He startles and bumps Jaehyun out of the way with his hip, moving to grab ahold of the mugs out of Jaehyun’s outstretched hand.

               “Just because you know where everything is still doesn’t mean you get to come in here and act like this is still your home. I can get the tea ready all by myself thanks,” Ten snaps as he tugs the cups towards him. He’s not sure where the anger came from. Because he isn’t angry at the situation. He’s upset, embarrassed, hurt. But anger stems from those and right now he’s feeling a whole lot of everything.

               Jaehyun steps back, eyes downcast and he nods again before turning to walk towards the balcony. And Ten hates that he knows that’s where he’ll want to talk. They used to do all their talking out on the little balcony Ten has at his apartment. The two chairs still sit there, side by side, untouched since he left.

               He pours the milk and the sugar in the teas – extra sugar for Jaehyun because despite everything Ten still remembers the little things, like how Jae takes his tea and coffee. He hates it. Remembering. Before walking out he braces himself, willing his heart to cease it’s uncaged pounding and for his mind to please shut up.

               Holding the two mugs, Ten walks to the sliding glass doors, pulls one open and steps out into the chilly night. He hands the tea to Jaehyun wordlessly, his hand reaching out automatically to take it like it’s done so many times before. Ten jerks his hand away when their fingers brush and he doesn’t turn to face the other man as he takes his seat. He pulls his legs up to his chest and rests his chin on his knees. Takes a sip and gazes out over the city, letting the wind ruffle his hair slightly – it’s been getting a bit long now, Ten thinks, he might cut it soon.

               Cars honk below them and people walk by despite the time of night and the lights of LED boards brighten up the night, casting colors all around them. Flickering. The noises from everything are a welcome distraction and Ten almost forgets he’s not alone, that is, until Jaehyun clears his throat.

               “Ten.” He hates how hearing his name hurts so much. How he loves it so much. Misses the way it sounds from Jaehyun’s mouth.

               “You’re here to talk. Not me. So, talk,” Ten says, finally turning to look at Jaehyun, which was probably not the brightest idea because if Ten got caught staring before, now would certainly be worse.

               Jaehyun could have stepped straight out of one of the modeling advertisements from the LED boards. The way in which the light bounces off his face, showing off all the hard angles but rounded edges. The softness in his eyes and the hurt that resides just below that carefully crafted gaze he always wears. The wispy little hairs that stick up on the back of his head. All of his beauty perfectly illuminated by the twinkling lights of the city and Ten can only think of all the different words for ‘beautiful’ and how they still don’t compare to Jaehyun.

               “I don’t want to start off with ‘I’m sorry’, because I think that’s a bit too overdone and you deserve better than that,” Jaehyun begins, his voice shaking just in the slightest. The raw honesty in his tone surprises Ten but he lets him continue. A beat of silence goes by, “Could you look at me please?” Jaehyun whispers.

               Ten shakes his head. He can’t. Not right now. It would hurt too much. He can’t handle the sincerity in Jaehyun’s eyes.

               “Okay, I guess I deserve that.” Ten wants to disagree. He waits for Jaehyun to continue. “I don’t think there’s any excuse for leaving you – at least I don’t have one. One that’s good enough to justify the hurt I put you through.” Jaehyun breathes in and Ten doesn’t have to look over to know that he’s crying. He doesn’t like being the reason Jaehyun is crying for the first time in years. Since he’s known him.

               “You were, you _are,_ the best thing that’s ever happened to me. The love you gave to me, have – _had_ – for me, it made me into a better person. A person who I wanted to be forever but realized too late. God, Ten, you are everything. My entire world is you and I was completely idiotic not to see it. I should have told you more often. I know I should of, and for that, I will apologize.”

               “I still love you. You wouldn’t be sitting on my balcony if I didn’t. What I want to know is why? Why didn’t you try harder? Why did you suddenly decide I wasn’t the one for you? Enough for you?” Ten questions and he wants to yell it, he wants to jump on Jaehyun and grab him by his collar and yell it to his face and cry his eyes out like he has so many nights before this. But he sits.

               Jaehyun is silent for a moment and in this quick second Ten steals a glance, hoping to see evidence of hurt on his features. Hoping Jaehyun looks just as destroyed as Ten feels. Ten’s heart feels conflicted when he notices that maybe he is.

               “This is going to sound –” Jaehyun breaks off, shakes his head and wipes his face, “I don’t know. I didn’t think I deserved you. Still don’t.”

               Ten shakes his head in disbelief, “Deserve me? What in the hell is that supposed to mean?”

               Jaehyun throws his hands in the air, runs them through his hair, tugs at the ends and lets out a frustrated sigh.

               “You don’t see yourself? Ten, there is not a more wonderful person on this earth – no, in this universe than you!” Jaehyun stumbles out, voice raising slightly. “You’re you and I’m me and I’m not good enough for you. I couldn’t give you everything you wanted.”

               “Everything I wanted was you, you asshole.”

               “And I couldn’t give you all of that. I couldn’t give you all of me. I’m always so busy, and I was never home for you. Always gone on my stupid trips for shoots and then when I got back home, you were gone too. We were only ever around each other for a few hours of the day, communicating through post-it notes and facetime,” Jaehyun explains, his voice aching with sadness. “I could see you growing more and more tired as the days passed by and there was nothing I could do, nothing I could say. I saw the light leave from your eyes and I was the only one responsible because I couldn’t be there for you.”

               Ten stands, not realizing he’s done so and his chair hits the glass door. “You’re acting like I spent my days and nights waiting up for you to get back from your shoots. I’m a grown man. I know how to spend my time wisely. Yes, sometimes I missed you and sometimes I spent a bit of my time wanting you back home but like you said, I have a job too. That’s how adult life works Jaehyun. People are busy. But couples make it work, they communicate! They don’t walk out without an explanation!”

               Jaehyun opens his mouth to respond but Ten steps closer and cuts him off, “You don’t get to sit here waxing poetic about me and at the same time not have the guts to talk to me and ask me how I’m feeling. I can handle myself well. I had a life before you and I can sure as well continue to have one without you. And so what if we hardly got to see each other Jaehyun? Did you think it was going to be easy? Did you think you being one of the top models in the industry and me being a professional choreographer was going to leave us much ‘us time’?” Ten’s voice is shaking, or maybe it’s his body. Maybe both. “You knew this walking into this relationship, you let me love you for four years before we started dating and a year after and then suddenly it’s too much? Fuck you. Get out of my home. I don’t want to see you here.”

               Ten doesn’t wait for a response. He slams open the glass door, storming through, ready to go straight to his room and return all of Jaehyun’s things. Except he doesn’t get that far because the moment he reaches the hallway his wrist is grabbed and he’s forced to face Jaehyun. “Let go of me, you don’t get to touch me anymore,” he demands, trying to jerk his arm free to no avail.

               “I don’t think you don’t know how to handle yourself, I know you do. I know you deserve someone better than me, someone who can give you more. That’s… that’s why I left. I wanted you to hate me. I wanted you to hate me so you could find someone else who would treat you better,” Jaehyun explains, releasing Ten’s wrist gently.

               Ten looks up at him, pushes him back once, twice, shoves him until his back hits the kitchen wall, “I do hate you. I didn’t want anyone else other than you! That’s how love works you godforsaken idiot. When you fall so completely, utterly, head over heels in love, you only want that person. You want them in spite of their flaws. You want them in any and every way possible. Sometimes there’s nothing on your mind beside that person. That is how I felt, and still feel about you. But you had to go and ruin it all. You had to go and leave and break my stupid heart and now here you are, breaking it all over again. And I fucking hate you for it.”

               “I’m – I don’t deserve you,” Jaehyun repeats dumbly. He shakes his head, that infuriatingly handsome grin and dimple fully prominent.

               “It’s been six months since we’ve talked and that’s all you have to say for yourself?” Ten questions, stepping back because maybe he realized how close they were standing and how dangerous that was.

                Jaehyun shakes his head, his face morphing into an expression Ten can’t decipher. “No, that’s not all.” He steps forward, walking Ten back to the hallway. “I don’t deserve you… but I want to.”

               “Here you are, talking about how wonderful and amazing I am but I’m about to make the stupidest decision of my life,” Ten answers once his back hits the wall. He’s tired. Tired of a lot of things, this argument, the way he can’t really hate Jaehyun, the way his heart jumps at the opportunity – at the thought of he and Jaehyun together again.

               Jaehyun grins, a soft little thing and his dimples cause Ten’s breath to catch in his throat and he hates, hates, hates himself. “And what decision is that?” Jaehyun’s hands come up on the sides of Ten’s face, planting themselves firmly against the wall.

               “Letting you back into my heart just so you can break it again. Because there’s only one person I’d let break my heart. And that’s you unfortunately,” Ten muses, staring Jaehyun directly in the eyes to let him know he’s not lying. He knew this was going to happen the moment Jaehyun showed up on his doorstep. He loathes how he is so ultimately weak for Jaehyun.

               Jaehyun frowns and pulls back, arms dropping to his sides, “I don’t want to break your heart again,” he says, suddenly serious – the grin from a couple seconds ago long faded.

               Ten looks back up at him, takes in a deep breath, calms his rattling nerves. “Good,” he murmurs, “Because if you do, you won’t be getting any other chances. Like I said, I had a life before you and I can definitely have one after you.”

               “We’ll have to communicate better,” Jaehyun begins but is cut off by the press of lips against his own. Ten stands on his tippy toes, pushing forward to be closer to Jaehyun. It’s messy at first because Jaehyun had been talking, but he closes his eyes and actually does something with his hands which had been hanging lamely at his sides. One threads through the soft strands of Ten’s hair, pulling his face closer, the other travels to the arch of Ten’s hip and that too, he pulls closer.

               Ten’s hands rest against Jaehyun’s collarbones and right now he can’t think to move them, to do anything other than focus on the soft movements of their mouths together. God he’s missed this. Kissing Jaehyun breathless. He’s missed the way Jaehyun’s mouth feels on his and the way they fit together so well, know each other so well.

               When they break apart to breathe, Jaehyun opens his eyes and his nose bumps Ten’s. “We’ll have to talk more,” he leans in for another kiss, this one on Ten’s collarbone. “We’ll have to make sure,” he presses a kiss on the column of Ten’s throat and it takes everything in Ten’s willpower not to groan. “We’ll have to make sure,” Jaehyun repeats and kisses just under Ten’s jaw, “That I appreciate you the right way.” He keeps his mouth there, teeth brushing against Ten’s jaw, and he bites down lightly. Ten can’t stop the shiver it causes. He brings one hand up to roughly grip Jaehyun’s hair, pulling him back a bit but Jaehyun gives him that signature smirk and Ten is gone. He’s been gone since the moment their lips connected but his knees nearly give out at the sight of that smirk.

               “We’ll have to adopt a dog or something,” Jaehyun whispers before moving back to Ten’s neck, sucking a spot there. “We’ll have to do things like cook when we’re together, like domestic couples do,” he says then ducks down to mouth along Ten’s collarbone. At that Ten lets out an embarrassing noise and closes his eyes, laughing at himself. Jaehyun brings a hand up under Ten’s chin, tilts it up so their eyes meet and he’s suddenly serious. “Ten,” he breathes out.

               “Jaehyun,” Ten whispers in answer. He looks to Jaehyun’s eyes which are darting back and forth between each of Ten’s and the intensity in his gaze nearly makes Ten glance away.

               “I mean it when I say I love you. Believe me when I say, you’re it for me. You’re everything to me,” Jaehyun murmurs.

               “Then believe me when I say I never stopped loving you, even though I hate myself for it,” Ten responds.

               “I’m sorry,” Jaehyun says softly, his nose bumping Ten’s again. “I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I’m sorry,” it’s whispered into Ten’s mouth as he leans down for another kiss.

               “Show me how sorry you are then,” Ten says, hands coming up to rest on Jaehyun’s shoulders. He says it between kisses, breathing heavily.

               Jaehyun nods into another kiss and his arms slide down. He grabs Ten by the backs of his thighs, pulling him up so Ten can wrap his legs around his torso. They don’t break the kiss – _kisses_ – as Jaehyun walks them a bit further into Ten’s bedroom, stumbling a bit as he tries to shut the door without pulling his mouth away from Ten’s.

               They fall into the bed together and the only thing on Ten’s mind is Jaehyun, Jaehyun, Jaehyun. He kisses him dizzy, breathless and wanting more and more and Ten can’t think.

               In the morning when Ten wakes before Jaehyun, he eyes the sleeping figure, letting his gaze travel over the bare torso and the way the light from his window washes over him just so. He lingers for a moment before getting up to go check the clothes that Jaehyun wore last night only to see the dryer hadn’t ran at all. Ten smirks, turns on the dryer and returns to bed completely and utterly okay with spending the rest of the day in bed with his love.

               When he tumbles back into the warm cocoon of blankets and the human heater that is Jung Jaehyun, the other man grins a warm ‘good morning’ and presses a soft, closed mouth kiss to the top of Ten’s head before tugging him closer.

               “You were expecting this to happen last night, weren’t you?” Ten asks quietly before pressing a return kiss to Jaehyun’s throat.

               “Would you believe me if I said no?”

               “Probably not.” Ten smiles so much that the answering kiss is almost ruined. Almost.

 

**Author's Note:**

> okie so this was just a short one shot to help me get over writers block, it's based off 'try again'. jaeten is one of my favorite pairings despite me never rlly talking about them, i find their dynamic to be very adorable so idk i wanted to write something ft them, thus, this was sprung into existence.
> 
> comments and kudos are extremely appreciated <3333
> 
>  
> 
> follow me on twitter @taeminmars


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